Rewind

Last year at this exact time (2:00 am on May 10th), I was getting ready for an event. I knew I'd be up pretty dang late and I knew I'd invested my guts and I was thinking I should be happy with the amount of investment I was putting in and the non-existent return I was getting.

I can't believe what a difference one year makes.

posted by Kate @ 5/10/2008, ,

Lemon

Jack: You've been avoiding me, Lemon.
Liz: How do you do that without turning around?
Jack: To be perfectly honest, the first couple of people I did that to were not you, but...here we are.

posted by Kate @ 5/09/2008, ,

Watch!

I went to Patti's house to work on my audition for Into the Woods. While there, we recorded my song for me to practice on my own by calling my voicemail and having my online MP3 voicemail system record it. David (Patti's husband) said "Patti, is this what it means to phone in your performance?"

Haha.


I went to Stephanie's house to work on my dances for Bye Bye Birdie. I really want to be the inspirational type of lead that the rest of the cast is proud to perform with. While dancing, I learned that Stephanie is accustomed to people with sunburned sternums scratching themselves there.

Mmm-hmm.

Today, I learned that Gina's son has a fascination with his behind.

Indeed.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I blog every day.

posted by Kate @ 5/08/2008, ,

Chicken Madeira

I love Amy Wadsworth. I'm so glad she is my friend - her care and concern and confidence... wow.

I also love Lindsay. And my sternum (both the outside where my slightly burned skin and the inside where my heart is) are so glad she is my friend.

I love Stephanie. Geez that girl is so good to me.

And I love Panda - it's so fun getting to know her!

How'd I get so lucky to have such incredible girl friends?

posted by Kate @ 5/07/2008, ,

Immortal

They have said for a few months now that she has very little time left. I knew that. I still know that and now, it seems that 'very little time' has changed to 'it could be any time'. You see, this is the way mortal doctors try to prepare those who will stay here.

My Grandmother will go.
We will stay.

No doctor prepared me for this. Instead, I was prepared to accept death as a part of life by the very people that it will hurt the most to lose.

She is a fantastic woman, my darling Grandma Jean. I revere and honor her life and the many ways she struggled to make life better for those around her. The first memories I have are of her sending Christmas Ornaments and Birthday Cards. One every year for every grandchild.

I fondly remember that when I was younger, my Grandma Jean worked for the Levi company. I loved that she was so hip and cool. She always knew the latest trends and her many visits were punctuated by fun shopping trips and giggles over this hairstyle or that skirt.

Her quiet devotion to her faith was something I always wanted to emulate. She is a woman of extraordinary spirituality and concentrated diligence. I feel blessed to have that example. One of the clearest memories I have is of her speaking about the gospel of Jesus Christ. Though she did not arrive with that knowledge, it was hard-won and exceptionally valued.

She was the oldest of 16 children. Her oldest son was only years in age from her youngest sibling. I love remembering a wonderful afternoon spent with me allowed to ask any question I'd like about her family. She told me all about her siblings and her family life growing up. A true woman of her generation, it was rare to get her to open up about such things. I will always treasure that conversation.

Her maiden name was Frank. There is no irony in that for me because she truly was. For what it was worth, she spoke her mind. This important quality was not always something others enjoyed, but they certainly respected her for her integrity.

My dear Grandpa Orville was attracted to her because of her light and goodness. I am so blessed to have him in my life and I would not have such a thing were it not for her.
There are many things like that - things I wouldn't have if I had not been blessed to come from the family she created.

This legacy she passed on is of great value to me. At the top of that legacy is a sure knowledge that she and I will speak again. I will see my Grandma Jean's lovely smile, hear her tinkerbell laugh, and spend time with one of the most wonderful women I have ever known.

I wish you the very best, my immortal Grandmother. Your journey here is almost over.
I look forward to meeting you in the next peace and in the meantime, your memory will nestle in my heart, bringing further inspiration and guidance.

God be with you til we meet again.

posted by Kate @ 5/06/2008, ,

Snob

I think Oprah Winrey is a snob.
Sad.
I used to kind of like her.
Now I just think she's a jerk.
Sad.

posted by Kate @ 5/05/2008, ,

Quiz

1 - What is the Karate Kid's last name? (his character, not the actor)

2 - Fill in the blank: "Jem! Truly, truly ______!"

3 - Name the character in Goonies played by an actor who later went on to fame and fortune in a blockbuster trilogy. (10 extra points for naming the trilogy)

4 - State Bill Murray's character's last name in 'Ghostbusters'

5 - On the shuttle Challenger, a female member of the crew had a particularly interesting profession. What was it?

6 - What was the name of the Asian kid that followed 'Indy' around?

If you can answer at least two of these without looking them up, then I am glad to rent 'Pretty in Pink' with you and drool over James Spada. If not, don't rub it in by commenting about how much you didn't know.

Golly, I feel old.

posted by Kate @ 5/04/2008, ,

Grudge

I don't hold grudges.
And I don't really understand people who do.

What would be the purpose of holding on to all that pain?

posted by Kate @ 5/03/2008, ,

Surprise

Samuel L. Jackson is always a surprise.
Always.

Except for this time around. :-)

posted by Kate @ 5/02/2008, ,

Grizzlies

Probably 3 to 2 instead of 115 to 106.
Really 5 to 1.
Then 5 to 5.

THEN 7 TO 5!!!!

Well done, boys.

posted by Kate @ 5/01/2008, ,

Sometimes

One just needs a strong shoulder to cry on.
Or a loving arm wrapped around them.
Or a stop to the deluge of pain and struggle...

I like to call this a magic band-aid.

God bless my magic band-aids. *kiss*

posted by Kate @ 4/30/2008, ,

They lost.

The game.
But not this round...

posted by Kate @ 4/29/2008, ,

Letter

Brandon and I went to see a movie tonight and while we were waiting for the show to start, we took a walk to my old middle school. The school happened to be open, so we walked through. As I pointed out old landmarks and topographies, I thought about the little junior high me that would have walked through those halls.

I wished I could have spoken to her, given her thoughts about the happiness and life that lay in wait for her.
Well.
Blog 365's theme for April is letters... I figured what the hell.

----

Dear Kate-in-Junior-High,

I went walking through your territory today and I wanted to share a few insights with you: things I wish I'd known when I was you.

1 - I can't believe how short the lockers are. They seemed so tall when I started and I had forgotten how intimidating that was. Lots of things that seemed intimidating then have actually lessened now. I'm not only taller physically, I'm taller emotionally and mentally. You will be too.

2 - Everywhere I looked tonight, I saw pictures of kids who were achieving - one for academic prowess, one for the student who'd read more than anyone, a cluster for those who serve as student body officers. I realized that your picture was never on a wall for all you achieved. As invisible as your daily struggles were, they're very obvious to me now. If I could, I'd post your picture everywhere so everyone could know and admire your ability to overcome the complexity of your adversity.

3 - As I walked by the swimming pool, I remembered how many times you tried to fix your hair after swimming without a curling iron or hairspray. I also remembered how many times you were given no warning that you were swimming and you did it because it was what was required. I admire you all the more for doing all you did with no support or tools and often with little to no warning.

4 - The trip past the girl's dressing room was especially poignant. I honor your choice, your courage, and your tenacity.

Dearest little middle-schooler, I cannot say enough about how drastically your life has changed. It will get better.
Oh, how it will get better. Just hang on, darling girl. There is much to look forward to...

Love,

Your Future Self

PS - I kissed Brandon about as much as I could. It's fun being an adult and not being restricted by stupid junior high rules.
YAY FOR KISSING!

posted by Kate @ 4/28/2008, ,

Blogged

In case you were wondering...

When I go a day or two with nothing to show on here, I am blogging by journaling. I'd post these, but some are just too dang personal.

I will put up a thought or so for the day I 'missed', and yes, I do change the post options so it reflects as that day. But I don't consider it cheating, because according to Blog365, writing is an OK substitute if one can't get online.

I also have several blogs to which I post. Some are all mine (anonymous, of course) and some I just contribute as a secondary author.

I really am that addicted to blogging.
Aw, hell.

posted by Kate @ 4/27/2008, ,

What a Game!

I now know...

what a shot clock is
Andre is number 47
Boozer is number 5
Mullets look stupid on basketball players
Mullets look stupid on everyone
If you get 6 fouls, you're out of the game
82 to 80 with 12 seconds left is more exciting than Jurassic Park
12 seconds left doesn't mean the game ends in 12 real seconds
"Make Some Noise" means you're about to lose your hearing
Escalators are good for up (but not for down)
Fainting in line leads to a gurney
Vulgarity requires an apology
Blue eyeliner that doubles as facepaint is ITCHY
40,000 fans and two basketball teams make a million-square-foot-space feel hot
The referees hate the Jazz

Oh.
And...

WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON

Neener
Neener
to
Houston

posted by Kate @ 4/27/2008, ,

Tee hee

90%How Addicted to Blogging Are You?

posted by Kate @ 4/25/2008, ,

Safe

Out on the Mira the people are kind
They'll treat you to home-brew and help you unwind
And if you come broken they'll see that you mend
I wish I was with them again


If you please, I think I've found them.
And I'm not giving them up...

posted by Kate @ 4/25/2008, ,

Sick

No, not me... finally.
It's Brandon.


So I'm going to go take care of him.
*smirk*

posted by Kate @ 4/24/2008, ,

Above my Desk

My desk sits against a wall and my two monitors (yes, two) sit against that wall, too. Above my monitors used to be a blank wall and then one day, Laren moved here after her mission and started working at my company. Then, my blank wall became overflowing with cute little notes from her.

And THEN.
Alaris came to visit. :-) And a new dimension was added to the wall.

And THEN, I thought... why stop there?

So now, the wall above my desk, that I look at every day, has the following items:

1 - A postcard from Disneyland. (Otherwise known as 'Kate's Angry Place' - more on why it's called that later.) This is from Stephanie, a fellow Husky, who has rediscovered her love for fellow theatre Huskies. She is my wonderful dance teacher, my incredible choreographer, and my dear friend. She brought me the postcard and a $50 orange. Man, that orange was good!

2 - The following letters from Laren:
a) Dear Kate, these are some of my favorite treat! I thought you would enjoy! If you don't others will and I wil come see you often to get some! Love always, Laren
Commentary: She brought me animal cookies that day. They were delicious.
b) I LOVE YOU! Dear Kate, I would like to listen to music - Rhapsody but left the password etc. at home! If you can/havetime/orwould like to tell me again you would be the Hero of the day (as always) Thank you! LL
c)Dear Kate - I stole sum of your chocolate! Thank you! I will talk to you after are done! (I have to leave @ 11:45-12:45 but I will be back!) Errands! Bleh! Love! Laren! I Love you!
Commentary: She really likes the exclamation point. Apparently, they didn't have it in Bulgaria, so she's making up for 18 months without it by using it in every sentence for the rest of her life.
d) Dear Kate, I was devastated to find you NOT here! I was going to get food - please let me know when return {insert unintelligible Bulgarian word here} I will be waiting for you! Always, Laren
Commentary: I have a notepad that has my name at the top of it. She's used that for almost all the notes. My name is always in a different font. It looks really funny.
e) HI! Gregg is bringing lunch in 30 min! Don't leave! (for you + me) {insert many underlines here} Also... look up Chrysler Lebaron on Wikipedia!
f) A Present from your adoring sister -HEART- Laren
Commentary: It was a Kit Kat Bar
g) KATE - with so much love, it kills me! Always, Laren
Commentary: The love hasn't killed her just yet. Thank goodness.
h) Dear Kate L, I love you! I am eating lunch if you would like to come see me! I think your great - and not just b/c that's UR name! Always your Sister, Laren L. Lowder!
Commentary: Text-speak was another thing missing from her life in Bulgaria.

3 - The following letters from Alaris:
a) Hey pretty lady! Just wanted to say that I love you more than words could ever express! Hope you're having a wonderful day at work! With love from your youngest (and smartest) sister, Sharon Lowder
Commentary: Her handwriting looks just like mine did when I was a Senior in high school... weird.
b) Here's a picture for you to keep! =-) (p.s. I still draw like a 5-year-old =) <3, Sharon
Commentary: She doesn't draw like a 5 year old. They are two well-proportioned, perfectly respectable stick figures, one of her with curly hair and one of a much taller me with curly hair and two labels indicating who is who.

4 - A cute Easter bag from my Visiting Teachers

How I love my cute little wall. I intend to fill it with things that remind me of people I love.

posted by Kate @ 4/23/2008, ,

Patchwork

There just isn't one song to describe all the things he is to me...
I'd like to dedicate this to the Robin Hood of Business Time.
And he knows why.

Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
Want to vanish inside your kiss
Everyday I love you more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time

I said I love you and that's forever
And this I promise from the heart
I could not love you any better
I love you just the way you are.

he comes to me when I'm feelin' down
Inspires me without a sound
he touches me and I get turned around
he's got a way of showin'
How I make him feel
And I find the strength to keep on goin'
he's got a light around him
And everywhere he goes
A million dreams of love surround him everywhere

You've Got ... the most unbelievable Blue Eyes I've ever seen

And if we make it till then
Can I ask you again
For another ten?

Have I mentioned
today
How lucky I am
to be in love with you?

I know that I can't live without him.
Any
way.

posted by Kate @ 4/21/2008, ,

Meme Tag

I've been tagged! (Thanks, April...)
Tag Rules: List 5 facts or habits about yourself. At the end of the post, you must tag 5 people and post their names. Go to their blog and leave them a comment letting them know they have been tagged and to read your blog for more details.

5 facts about me:
1. I want to be just like Mariska Hargitay when I grow up. I think she's darn well near the best thing that ever happened to Hollywood.
2. I hate Disney and just about everything associated with it (except Pixar.) This does not preclude me from watching every single damn Disney movie ever made...
3. If it's pink, I'll probably buy it, want it, barter for it, or pick it up from the to-go-to-charity pile.
4. Despite the fact that I do not like them, every dog I've ever met seems to have a thing for me.
5. I don't like playing Monopoly or guessing games. My favorite board games are Uno, Apples for Apples, Life, and Backgammon. In that order.

Tagged: Patti, Sharon, Julie, Gina, Lindsay

posted by Kate @ 4/21/2008, ,

The Cure

Today, I am so glad I am free.

Free of vicious attacks on my logic.
Free of those who try to use me.
Free of selfish jerks.
Free of cruel neglect.
Free of regret and fear and doubt.

I get to be so loved - I get to feel free.

And I get to be grateful for that, too.

posted by Kate @ 4/21/2008, ,

Dreams

What's the worst dream you've ever had?
Why?
What's the best dream you've ever had?
Why?
What makes a good dream good?
What makes a bad dream bad?
How long after you've known someone do you start dreaming about them?
Who do you wish you could stop dreaming about?
Who do you wish you could dream about?
Who/what is the most common element in your dreams?

posted by Kate @ 4/20/2008, ,

Rehearse

Ella is Patti's daughter. And this morning, our director caught her singing and acting and being very committed.
I have to say, though... Joshie was doing a pretty dang good job singing his guts out, too! He was so cute, clapping for his sister, but I wished everyone had been able to clap for him. He tries so hard to be dedicated!

posted by Kate @ 4/19/2008, ,

Doodle

I prefer paper with a good tooth.
I also prefer felt tip.
But only when being artistic.

posted by Kate @ 4/18/2008, ,

Tip

So, here's a little tip for those of you who are interested in applying for jobs.

Please, pretty pretty please...

Follow the instructions on the advertisement.
There is a reason we hiring managers ask for these things!

posted by Kate @ 4/17/2008, ,

Daddy

What role does Daddy play in a little girl's life?
Tell me there's any question after this clip:

(Yes, it's worth it to watch the whole thing.)

posted by Kate @ 4/16/2008, ,

Band Camp

I read some of my old blogs and I'm amazed by how much I used to write. This is not to say I shall not be writing long entries here soon or tomorrow or later... just that, lately, I don't feel that deep.

So.
So.
So.

So, this one time at band camp...



Yyyeeeaaahh. I never went to band camp.
*sigh*

posted by Kate @ 4/16/2008, ,

Taxes

There is always a price.

While I love America... LOVE.
I have a hard time with paying Social Security taxes when I know I shan't see any of that money.

Worry much, Kate?
Yes.
Why, yes I do.

posted by Kate @ 4/15/2008, ,

Sick

I think I spend too much time being sick.
Yeah.

posted by Kate @ 4/14/2008, ,

Dinner

I love Jason and Amy.
I adore Megan and Jenna.
I can't get enough of Russell, Maida, Kira, and Jessie.

However.
I am president of the Brandon Fan Club.

:-)

posted by Kate @ 4/13/2008, ,

I know her

It's amazing how much stuff one person accumulates? Do I really exist in this world of books and boxes and clothes and bedding and cards and stuff and stuff?

I'm going to move to Tibet.
With nothing.
At all.

posted by Kate @ 4/12/2008, ,

Initial

I am the WRM
I manage the RMs
I report to the FSM
I support the FSTs
I work with CBRE, UBOC, AFCU, TDBN, and COSI
I annoy the PMs
I will have an FSA
I hope I get to TR


No wonder I have trouble talking these days.

posted by Kate @ 4/11/2008, ,

Wish You Were Here

Brandon asked me where I would like to travel.
Answer?
London.
Portobello Market in Notting Hill.

But only if he is going, too.

posted by Kate @ 4/10/2008, ,

Post Its

Brandon and I went to see his sister's play tonight. It was a one act and incredibly funny. I enjoyed her particular brand of "hormone".
Haha.

The next one act was a love story. The lines were of the sort that a person would hurriedly scribble on a short note - and the two actors delivered their lines as if from post-its. The entire story of their love was communicated using this device. They met, fell in love, got married, seperated for a time, had a child, grew old, and even died. All simply communicated through the everyday communications of "We need milk" or "Dinner's in the oven" delivered on sticky notes.

It got me thinking.

I value emotional investment. I value dedicated friendships and romances. I am floored by those who make grand gestures in my behalf. However, I also value those who take the small moments to give a quick note, to take a small step, to show affection and care and investment in the smallest measure. I value these things because often, the bigger, more expansive show-of-affections are far too unavailable.
To me, neglect is harder to bear than abuse.

"I'd rather have a moment of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special."

Thank you to so many of you who have given me so many thoughtful moments of wonderful. I am so glad I know you, so glad to call you friend.

posted by Kate @ 4/09/2008, ,

Tuesday. The

"You're not wrong, Walter, you're just an a@%hole."

*fits of giggles*

posted by Kate @ 4/08/2008, ,

All You Need Is

I think one of the most amazing things about Brandon is his integrity. He has more guts, morality, and passion than anyone I know.

I was most amazed by this today. Confronted with a sniveling, despairing girlfriend who was not up to fighting her own demons, Brandon took immediate action. He stepped in the midst of a very dangerous situation, listened intently, and then uttered the sweetest words imaginable:

"No, I want you to share these things with me because I love you."

I cannot count the number of times today I looked into the eyes of someone who loved me while feeling the joy of returning that expression with full force. It is something that rocks me to the core. I am shaken and adrift whilst being anchored and safe.
I now understand why I put myself in constant danger before. I will not continue to do that because I feel such incredible compassion for myself. I see me through his eyes. His love is not a replacement for the respect and love I have for myself.
It's a reminder.
And he would never want that to be different.
Neither would I.

I am reminded of the quote from the movie 'Shopgirl':

And as Jeremy offers her more of his heart, Mirabelle offers equal parts of herself in return. One night, sooner than she would have liked, which made it irresistible, they make love for the second time in months. At this point, Jeremy surpasses Ray Porter as a lover of Mirabelle because what he offers her is tender and true.

I love him.
And oh, I am so fantastically lucky!

posted by Kate @ 4/07/2008, ,

Family

My boyfriend's family is freaking awesome.

I have
NEVER
laughed so hard in my entire LIFE!

posted by Kate @ 4/06/2008, ,

Fallen

posted by Kate @ 4/05/2008, ,

Seeing Stars

Have you ever noticed how happiness and affection are very expansive emotions? Whenever I feel these, I just want everyone else in the world to feel them, too.

It's such a beautiful thing to feel the love of siblings - brothers and sisters who try hard to keep track, to understand, to empathize, to support...
Sometimes, we fight.
Sometimes, we don't speak to each other. (OK, that's more me that does that, haha)
Sometimes, we miss the big huge events because of distance.
Sometimes, we let small mistakes become huge.
Sometimes, we write it all off because we're angry.
But more than those sometimes, there are the all-the-times when we call, we send emails and texts, we giggle and laugh at the same jokes, we tell our stories to each other, we encourage indulgences, and we thrive.

I've always been blessed with very good friends. My friends inspire and encourage me. I have friends that come and go quickly, friends that make sacrifices, friends that are willing to accept my humble devotion, and friends that offer sage and true counsel. The expansive feeling of comfort that washes over me (thanks to these friends) is one I wouldn't trade for all the diamonds and gold in the world.
I am lucky to enjoy the association and affection of such admirable people.

It's an incredible feeling to sit next to someone and feel completely accepted by that person. The peace and sheer satisfaction of such an encounter is rare, but worth all the other distressing concurrences that preceded it.
The feeling of complete acceptance is sortof like living in the city for a really long time; and then one day taking a drive up to the mountains, where the stars are so bright and numerous, they light the sky better than any human-made electric current ever could. Even in the most frigid temperature, it's still worth it to get out of the car and walk around. To take hold of the moment (and the one that brought you there) and rejoice in the clarity.
Funny, it often takes the darkest, most confusing path to get up into those mountains: the journey is winding, difficult, and sometimes uncrossable.
Imagine the losses if the emphasis were placed on the darkness, instead of the guidance of those faintest stars. Stars that inspire and encourage one to climb higher, to see further.

I do not know how I came to be here, but I can see all the stars right now.
The view is breathtaking and thrilling.
And the stars?
They
are
spectacular!

posted by Kate @ 4/04/2008, ,

Three

Tomorrow, it will be 04 04 08.
4+4=8

I like math.
But only in small doses.

posted by Kate @ 4/03/2008, ,

Surreal

Just a beautiful beautiful day.

posted by Kate @ 4/02/2008, ,

Tie

I'm sorry I've been posting so many quotes and such lately.
I've had a lot on my mind that I just haven't been able to express. Lots of things resolved for me one fateful Friday in March, and since then, I've felt pretty low-key when it comes to emotional attachment.
Not that I don't love my life right now. It's that a lot of things I once thought were important just no longer are.
I am very happy to be wrong about those things.

And happier still to finally be right about my life.




Or it could just be the ramblings of a girl who hasn't slept in days... hee.
Ask me why I grin like this.

I dare you.
*smirk*

posted by Kate @ 4/01/2008, ,

Anything Hugh Can Do

Cherien's Mother: You're not Doug.
Wayne: And you're not my mother. See? We're having fun with pancakes!
Cherien's Mother: I made some calls
Wayne: Was it anyone I know?

(I think she's a winter, too!)

posted by Kate @ 3/31/2008, ,

Travel

Sharon is on her way!!!

Granted, a few stops and all... :-)

posted by Kate @ 3/30/2008, ,

Like

Joey: When was the last time someone told you how beautiful you are?
Rachel: I can't feel my hands.

---

Meet Brandon.
I must confess to liking Brandon a lot.
A.
Lot.
I saw Brandon in 'Little Women', he was playing Professor Bhaer. (Yes, my favorite male character in all of literature...) I was attracted to him right away, he had a great voice and a talent for building chemistry with the actors around him. I was impressed. I leaned over to my dear friend Amy and asked her who was playing Professor Bhaer. She said "That's Brandon, he's one of Jason's favorite people." (Jason is Amy's husband and a dear friend of mine, as well.) I asked if Brandon was single and Amy confirmed.
I asked her if she'd get Jason to set us up. She agreed to this plan and a few days later, they told me that Brandon would come to my play with them the following weekend and then we'd go for dinner afterwards.
I was very happy about this plan.
We did go out after my play - Gina came with us and we had a perfectly lovely evening. Brandon was funny, smart, and incredibly clever. After dinner, we went to Jason and Amy's to watch Firefly. (Yes, turns out Brandon is one of the few geniuses in the world who knows his Whedon.) I was definitely interested in getting to know more about Brandon.
Turns out, the interest was mutual.

Meanwhile, I am so lucky to spend time with the most giving, thoughtful, talented, smart, and funny man I have ever met.
Awesome, awesome Brandon.
Lucky, lucky me.

:-)

posted by Kate @ 3/29/2008, ,

Quaint.

Make of that what you will.


Have you ever noticed how very beautiful 3:44 am is?
I know, me too.


*huge goofy grin*

posted by Kate @ 3/29/2008, ,

Right

I will not cry at work.
I will not cry at work.
I will not cry at work.
I will not cry at work.


I think it's a ratio of 5 times of saying it to 1 time of crying... so I better say it about 3000 more times, right?

Pathetic.

I think I want a new job... what time is it? Time to go home?
No.

It's time to type some more:
I will not cry at work.
I will not cry at work.
I will not cry at work.
I will not cry at work.
I will not cry at work.

posted by Kate @ 3/28/2008, ,

Tooele

I think I might need to spend more quality time in Tooele. It's kindof an amazing place...

;-)

posted by Kate @ 3/27/2008, ,

Schrute Buck

Corky: It's like one of those 'how many babies can you fit in a tire' kinds of things.

posted by Kate @ 3/26/2008, ,

Things I Like

Tina Fey
Holding hands during action movies
Riley. Mt Rushmore.
ReverseReverseSkipDrawFour
Text message wooing
Lindsay's blog colors
Happiness
Honesty
Trust
Lunch with the girls AND Trent
Forgetting for 12 whole hours
Reinstatement
Finishing the report (Sorry Sondheim, the hat is no longer the priority)
Obama
Lists
2am visits from long-absent sisters
Emily getting a new job!
Jayne's Vera
"I'm probably lying"
Double Chocolate Chip Frappuccinos
Getting an assistant
Sunshine
Spring
April (yes, both of them)
Sour Patch Kids
Fraggles
Easter Dinner
Philosophical discussions with Gina in the middle of the day

posted by Kate @ 3/25/2008, ,

Pair

Rose: You were so little.
Maggie: I was?
Rose: How do you tell a 6-year-old her mother left on purpose?
Maggie: Well, who told you?
Rose: No one.


Maggie and Rose are sisters. Rose is the older of the two and has a more 'responsible' life. Maggie is younger and has more 'fun'. The two both have their weaknesses. Maggie can't read very well and Rose has no social skills. In the course of the story, we learn that Rose is Maggie's memory (why Maggie developed almost no verbal skills) and Maggie is Rose's spark of life (why Rose ceased to seek fun over work.)

I am spurred by the many, many changes in my family over the last year to use this platform to speak to the adorable Maggies in my life.
At one point in the movie, Rose says:

I was protecting Maggie because that's what I do.

I very much empathize with this quote, but there's a problem. The more I protect, the less you darling Maggies know what I did for you. Not that I did so much, mind you. Just that at some point, the protection became deceipt and ceased to be protection.

So, Maggie I, Maggie L, and Maggie S:
I was there and I remember.
Memory is not always right, but there are two sides to these stories.
And right now, some of your judgements of me are unfair. If you'd care to ask me in a private forum, I'd sure be glad to tell you the other side of the story. There are some things that you are hearing from other sides that are just not true. In fact, they cross over into cruelly unfair.
There are many things I'd rather not share with you... but my dearest girls, there was much I did for you that allowed you to choose to be where you are now. I marvel that you all were so small, yet so strong. So resilient. And so very trusting.
Thank you for your trust.
Thank you for your shining strength - it was an example to me on many occasions.
I don't wish to take credit for what you have done. I only wish to offer you a chance to know another side and perhaps the truth.

I grieve that we are separated by these untruths and wish only to cross that divide.

Meanwhile, I offer these words by e.e.cummings. I could speak them as if they were my own, they so closely mirror my feelings for each of you:

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

posted by Kate @ 3/24/2008, ,

Happy Easter!

For me, this is the great symbol of this holiday.

I know He lives.

posted by Kate @ 3/23/2008, ,

Closing Closet

Thanks goodness.

It was a good show.
Now I can go on and play Rosie with the best cast and the best director ever!

:-)

posted by Kate @ 3/22/2008, ,

Quote of the Day

posted by Kate @ 3/21/2008, ,

Label

It's amazing how feelings change when you attach a label, isn't it?

Patti, you are the Maestro.
Amy, you are the Preponderate.
Laren, you are the Cherished.
April, you are the Indomitable.
Julie, you are the Brilliance.
Lindsay, you are the Prolific.
Sharon, you are the Beloved.
Gina, you are the Hallowed.
Brandon, you are the Exemplar.

Me?
I am the Adored.

posted by Kate @ 3/20/2008, ,

Crunch

You know there's trouble when the path before you is more enticing, more elaborately designed for you, and more incredibly linked to your happiness and all you want to do is turn around and choose the path behind you - the path that hurt you, the path that betrayed you, the path that neglects and disqualifies you.

This is called fear.

So there's this story that the legendary Milton Erickson told to (popular psychologist) Bill O'Hanlon. It's the story of some Monks who wanted to get off the Karmic wheel and into Nirvana. These Monks are offered a rare opportunity to do just that - in one shot. All they have to do is walk through a room filled with one thousand demons, cross to the other side, and exit that side.
Seems easy, right?
But the problem is, when someone enters the room-of-a-thousand-demons, the demons take the shape of that person's worst fears. And once a person enters this room-of-a-thousand-demons, he cannot be rescued. He is surrounded by his worst fears and has to have the mental clarity and emotional stability to find and use the exit on his own.
So, the Monks are warned about this, but still want to give the room a try. And they are given the following tools to take with them into the room-of-a-thousand-demons:
1 - Focus on the exit and the results of exiting (read: Nirvana)
2 - Focus on the non-reality of the demons' form. They are not always as they appear.
3 - Keep your feet moving.

I think that last one is the one I'm clinging to right now. I can't see Nirvana past the pain of this moment. I also can't see how these demons aren't real. I just see my feet, frozen by the fear. So, I focus on them and place one foot in front of the other.

It is bitterness that calls me to fear. For whatever reason, the fear is comfortable, while the bitterness is a new sensation. I've never felt like I've deserved better than I've gotten, so I've never felt like I deserved to be bitter.
That has changed drastically. I am very angry (and bitter) about how I have been treated, because I was tricked